NO HELP FOR PARENTS OF ABUSIVE CHILDREN

            I’ve thought long and hard about this posting, mainly because it’s a very sensitive topic to me personally and secondly because I believe the word “abuse” is pandered around too frequently making almost any action a person takes somehow destructive to another human being.  We can thank Child Protective Services (CPS) for this overused and misdirected concept of what truly constitutes abuse.

As an example of the misdirected verbiage of abuse, not that long ago the headlines ran a story about a school personnel taking away the lunch of a student because it did not meet some bureaucrat’s definition of a healthy lunch.  There was a meat sandwich and piece of fruit included in the lunch the mother provided but the mother of that child was verbally deemed to be “abusive” to her child for not providing the child with a mandated healthy lunch (again determined by some moron bureaucrat).  Was that really “abusive” behavior?  Since when can a parent not make a determination of what their child can or cannot take to school as a lunch?  If the child wants a bag full of candy for lunch (not that I would recommend that outside of letting them get sick to prove that eating a bag of candy is probably not the most wisest decision) then it’s no-one else’s business.  I have a nephew who, as a young child, would only eat cereal.  The doctor told us that if that’s what he wants then just let him eat it – it certainly wasn’t making him unhealthy.  So we let him eat cereal.  Today if we were to do that – we would have been investigated for “abuse” in the form of negligent nutrition.  Give me a break.

In another instance, I told one of my children to take their shoes off of the sofa or put their feet on the floor.  This child got up and called the police – stating that I was abusive in making them feel uncomfortable.  CPS had been at the school instructing the students that “anything” anyone says or does that makes them feel uncomfortable is considered “abuse” and they are to report any incident to CPS or the police.  My asking them to remove their shoes made them feel “uncomfortable” and, therefore, they interpreted that as being a “fact” that I was being “abusive” to them.  The same thing happened another time when I asked this child to push their chair in at the dinner table once they stood up to leave.  The police showed up at my door because I had made my child “uncomfortable” which is a form of “abuse”.  Again – are you freaking kidding me?  I mentioned this ridiculousness to the CPS person who simply said, “Oh yeah, we tell the kids that so they can feel safe.”  What?  In other words, anything a parent asks a child to do (such as clean their room, take out the trash, unload the dishes, etc.) that the child does not want to do is grounds for the child to call either CPS or the police to report their parent for abuse.  Do you ever get the feeling that this world has gone mad?  But I’m getting away from the topic on hand – that being what does a parent of an abusive child do?

First off, let’s define the TRUE meaning of what constitutes abuse.

Abuse is a repeated act, either verbally or physically, rendered with the intentional design to inflict either emotional or physical harm to another.

The two things we need to focus on here are “repeated act” and “intentional”.  What this means is that a parent can repeatedly tell a child to clean their room (since clearly once is never enough) but that repeated act is not an “intentional” design to inflict emotional or physical harm.  It’s to instill cleanliness and orderliness and the understanding of how a family unit needs to work together on all levels, including taking care of the household and to learn to work within the laws of our land because there will always be someone telling them what they can and cannot do to fit into society as a whole.

Let’s face it that we all at times throughout our lives say things verbally to others that do inflict emotional distress but those times were not “intentional” but merely misguided and are rarely ever “repeated acts”.  So if a person says something that affects your emotional state, you cannot simply cry out that they were being abusive.  It doesn’t meet the criteria of actual abuse.

Clearly there are true incidents of abuse in the world and the cruelest being levied upon children but if you look to CPS, they will have you believe that the act of parental abuse is rampant when in truth – it is a very rare thing.  The fact that CPS now deems anything a parent says that a child does not like is to be classified as being abusive will make CPS declare that abuse is on the rise.  In fact, in one recent statistic I saw, CPS stated that one in every three households contains an “abusive” parent.  Really?  One in every three?  How lame and, more importantly, how damning to millions of “innocent” parents.  So if CPS deems anything a parent asks a child to do as being abusive – then what does it deem abusive that a child does to a parent?  Answer:  (And this came directly from a child psychologist – don’t get me started) – “Children cannot lie or be abusive.”  Like – what planet does this person think their living on?  And what’s this all about “bullying” in schools?

Unfortunately, far too many people seem to agree with the not-from-this-planet psychologist because as I began to research the internet for help available to parents who are victims of abusive children (both younger and older children), I could barely find a thing.  Every time I would input “abusive child” the search engines would bring up “abusive parent”.  It didn’t seem to matter how I would try and rephrase my search line to find assistance for abused parents, it always came up abusive parents or abused child.  Come on now – my husband and I cannot be the only ones who have been subjected to abusive children who have committed “repeated acts” of “intentional” design to inflict emotional harm – and find delight in doing so.

It took me a while but I did find one blog where parents expressed their own frustration of not knowing what to do about their abusive child and not knowing where to go to get help.  Talk about an ignored group of people who are in desperate need of some help – even if it’s just to have someone listen to them, understand their anguish, know that they are, in fact, being abused by their child or children and who need reassurance that their parental acts of caring did not and do not warrant the treatment they receive from their children.  That they are not the monsters their children would like them to believe and who delight in telling others how horrific their parents are just to get more digs in and to alienate their parents from other family members and friends.  And, I’m sorry, but the repeated responses I saw given to these parents who were seeking help was to either eliminate the child from their life or to be extra “sweet” to the child.  Those responses are simply not viable answers.  In fact, they’re quite lame.  This is not a one size fits all situations problem.

Being a parent of abusive children, I have felt my own share of total and complete frustrations.  It’s like no one really understands and you feel totally alone and start thinking something is wrong with you.  I have even asked God why he has allowed this and then one day I got to thinking – how many of God’s children abuse him?  If anyone knows how we feel – believe me He DOES!  So my next question was – how do we get support for each other?  That one is a little more tricky because I’m still not sure of how to obtain the resources but I figured I’d start out by writing this blog post.  I’m opening the door to all those parents who have been and who are being abused and feel that they have no where to turn.  I don’t have answers for you – I’m trying to find my own answers – but I’d like you to feel free to comment here and know that there is someone at least willing to listen – sometimes that’s all we really need.  Maybe in time, if enough come and vent – we can begin to work together to help each other.  Maybe I’m a little over optimistic in this pursuit but for now – I’m offering you a sounding-off platform.  I hope you take advantage of it and come to realize that you are not alone.  We know - we feel – we understand.

An abused parent,

Chris

MITT ROMNEY A BULLY? TALK ABOUT GRASPING FOR STRAWS.

        

         By now just about every American has heard or read the stories littered throughout the media that presidential hopeful Mitt Romney was a supposed “bully” in high school.  Oh what a black mark!  Oh how horrific!  Oh how damning this is to his entire credibility as a human being!  To you I say, “Are you freaking kidding me?  Are you that juvenile?  Are you that so lowly desperate that you have to stoop to playground finger pointing?”  Have you ever heard the phrase, “He who lives in a glass house shouldn’t throw stones?”

          If you honestly believe that one or two single acts done knowingly or unknowingly in your childhood, whether that be preschool, elementary school, middle school or high school – heck even college, should define you as a human being throughout your entire life regardless of what you have done with your life - then, by golly, every single human being on the planet is a scoundrel unfit to hold any position in any career because there is not one single solitary human who has not at one time or another bullied someone else, knowingly or unknowingly.  You can deny that you’ve ever bullied anyone but that would simply be untruthful whether you want to admit it or not.  We ALL have bullied.  However, because we have bullied at one time or another in our lives does not make us a bully.  By definition, a bully is one who consciously and perpetually instigates inappropriate behaviors, both physically and verbally, against another with no emotional regard to what harm such acts may or may not be inflicted.

          The story going around that Mitt Romney bullied a student in high school by cutting off locks of his hair is just another absurd attempt by the leftists to try and smear a candidate who has no blaring, tarnishing skeletons that can be dangled in front of the voting public to help steer voters to lean towards their very questionable, still unresolved legally eligible, communistic, Marxist, anti-American, mobster loving candidate Barack Obama – himself an admitted bully.

          Naturally this story has brought out the overzealous mental health “supposed” experts who have to put their warped, unfounded, unproven two cents worth in by saying that the high school student who was the supposed victim of this one time incident was mentally distraught throughout the rest of his life.  Leftists have gleefully jumped on board of this fanatical bandwagon.  Of course, the young man in question died in 2004 from liver cancer and cannot, therefore, be questioned to clarify whether or not the incident itself ever actually occurred or that he was irreparably harmed by it.  In fact, the original source of the story who first stated that they witnessed it and participated in it came forward to say that, in fact, they only “heard” about the incident bringing into question whether it ever actually occurred.  In addition, the family of that former high school student has spoken out publicly in support of Romney, denying that the incident took place and, on the half chance that it might have, the young man never spoke of it, would have been enraged today to hear that it was being used to “bully” a running candidate for office (“two wrongs never make a right”), and that he lived a very fulfilling life right up to his death – showing no mental distraught from that or any other incident.

          Bullying is, in fact, a normal, emotional behavior that is exhibited by everyone while in their youthful years.  It is a part of defining how you will eventually fit into society.  There are, however, many different facets of bullying and because of that you cannot simply classify every single incident of bullying as being mean spirited.  Sometimes loners who find it hard to “fit in” in a peer group begin to bully to disguise their feelings of loneliness.  Sometimes someone has been pushed to a limit and they need to strike back.  For example, when I was in elementary school there was a boy whose lunch was stolen from him every day.  No one knew who was doing the stealing.  In an attempt to find out the culprit or culprits, this young boy began to add a dye to his food.  The dye caused mild diarrhea that was bluish in coloring.  It didn’t take long before everyone knew who the culprits were.  Some may say that he “bullied” back but I can tell you this much, his lunch was never stolen again.  His act of “bullying” resolved a negative behavior inflicted by others.  Some bullying is really no more than playful pranks.  Some pranks can be really funny – others not so much so.  Again, pranks are merely another form of social communication and by far, more often than not, the prankster and the pranked person wind up becoming friends.  No one is emotionally distraught for the rest of their lives.

         There are incidents of extreme, unending, manipulative, egregious incidents of bullying that can lead to extreme cases of mental and physical harm to others.  These incidents cannot be allowed to continue.  In many cases, persons who exhibit this form of bullying wind up in a prison somewhere – not as a school principal, a CEO of a business or a candidate for president of the United States.  But the Leftists are pulling for straws to try and discredit an opponent who is proving to be a very formidable threat to their progressive movement.  No one will be surprised by whatever other little straw they will pull as the campaign heads into the last final months.  They’re running scared and they must do all that they can to try and make the voting public forget the disastrous nature our country is in – due mostly from the unethical, unconstitutional actions of the sitting administration.  They have not reached their goal yet to make us a martial law nation with a sitting dictator but they will fight to the bitter end to attain it.  Our duty is to not be distracted by their feeble attempts.  Our duty is to not let this administration “bully” us into silence.

Chris Broome

Politically Incorrect!

“TOLERANCE IS A WORD VALUABLE IN THE SERVICE OF SATAN”

         If there is one word that I choke on more than any other word it would have to be the word “tolerance”.  The word is like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  It gives the illusion of being harmless, innocent, even pleasant – in fact, it has even been touted as the act of displaying a godlike quality – and yet, in truth, it is anything but.  I find it really difficult to understand why so many people do not understand or see this plainly.

 There is hardly a day that goes by that this word is not uttered in the pretext of something that should be “accepted” if not “agreed with.”  We must be “tolerant” of others’ lifestyles.  We must be “tolerant” of others’ beliefs.  We must be “tolerant” of others’ moral behaviors.  We must be “tolerant” of others’ customs.  The list goes on and on.  And yet, on the other hand, we are also bombarded with the phrase “We have a ZERO TOLERANCE policy.”  Kind of gets you wondering what is going on here.  We are to be tolerant but we are to have no tolerance?  What the heck does that mean?  I’ll tell you what it means.  We are to be tolerant of others – no matter what their religious, moral, cultural ideals are but we are not to in turn reveal our own religious, moral, cultural ideals that are based on the laws of nature and on the laws of God because our beliefs “offend” those who do not support those values.  In other words, we had better support their values and then shut up.

       Not that long ago I was reading through some older magazines – kind of getting a feel of how much our society – our world – has changed over just the past few decades.  While reading, I came across an amazing quote.  The quote was given by Ezra Taft Benson in the Ensign Magazine in December of 1971.  The quote reads:

                   “Tolerance is a word valuable in the service of Satan.”

        I read that quote over and over again.  It was a simple statement and yet it is strikingly profound.  It hits the nail straight on the head of the truth of this word’s purpose.

       There is a tremendous misconception of the meaning of the word tolerance in our modern day society – not out of innocent ignorance but from sheer manipulative design to be deceptive of its true aim.

        In the early days of television, censorship was a massive part of what aired.  This massive censorship resulted in the fact that all shows were “family” friendly.  The entire family could gather together around their TV sets and watch whatever show was on.  It made life look simple and pleasant and at the same time it presented storylines that instilled positive values.  However, after just a few years, people both in the entertainment industry and those from without, began to demand shows that were a little more realistic – so to speak.  The realism they focused on was language and before long words such as “hell” and “dam” began to be uttered on the tube.  Because of this change, television shows were divided into two categories – family oriented and primetime.  The primetime shows had a little more leeway for those who could “tolerate” it.

       They were right – we did “tolerate” the incorporation of “mild” profanity to the point that we didn’t even notice it anymore.  That led to the next phase and the push to slip in more and more vulgar profanities.  It was done so subtly at first and before long – no word was untouchable on primetime.  A new slew of ratings cropped up to try and advise the audience of content but the rating system is mostly a sham.  Today, even during the “family friendly” television time slots, nearly every single profane word is uttered on a daily basis.  Walk by any elementary, middle or high school and you’ll hear the results of this freely used “tolerated” behavior in our youth.  I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s and I can tell you that no one outside of the harshest bullies spoke the way the entertainment media displayed.  Today, even the most cherubic, innocent looking child of 3, 4 or 5 years of age easily strings one profanity after the other.

Profanity, however, was not the only area where society was fed a small morsel that could be tolerated.  Morality issues were also introduced and intricately entwined into our daily exposure so much so that today, even children’s cartoons exhibit sexual content – sometimes even to an extreme graphic state and all because we grew to “tolerate” each little morsel that was sent our way.  With the degradation of morality the doors were opened wide for those who espoused “live your life whatever way you want and nobody better say anything that would make you feel uncomfortable.  We have a ZERO TOLERANCE policy on that.”

Of course in a society with a ZERO TOLERANCE policy on curtailing profanity and immorality you have to live under a ZERO TOLERANCE policy on religion.  Religion, on all fronts, must be attacked, crushed and eventually eliminated.  “Tolerance is a word valuable in the service of Satan.”  Does this now begin to make sense?  We have “tolerated” ourselves away from God – away from goodness – away from loving one another and have enslaved ourselves into Satan’s army where you will find that he has a ZERO TOLERANCE policy.

 Now for those of you who say, “Aren’t we supposed to be tolerant of others who may have a different value system?”  The answer is that we are to “allow” others to make their own choices.  Each and every human being who has ever walked this planet or who will ever walk this planet has been given the gift of free agency – the right to choose for himself or herself whatever actions or non-actions they will take – whether those actions be good or be bad – the choice is up to them.  It is not our “right” to deny those choices.  However, it is our “obligation” to show and instruct the person to do the right thing but it is not our “obligation” to make them do it.  If you live a different lifestyle that I do not agree with – that I do not accept – that I most definitely do not “tolerate” - then it is my duty to allow you to do so just as it is your duty to allow me to live the way I see fit.  Everyone has the “right” to choose but what no one has the right to choose is the consequences that come with that choice.

 “Tolerance is a word valuable in the service of Satan.”  Satan is now experiencing the fruits of his labor.  He has won many battles.  Are we going to sit back and let him win the war?  The only way that can be done is to STOP “tolerating” and start teaching the values we have lost because without those values – we are all doomed.

Chris Broome

Politically incorrect!